Horrible Item Usage
by Derek the Demon Prince
Summary: Lloyd wonders how he is supposed to use apple gels and decides to ask around. Problem is, nobody else is sure either...Random humor. Other items involved. Some assembly required, does not come with batteries or instructions


**Hey, I've decided to take a break from my other fanfiction while working out future problems I see with the plot (I'm sorry for the wait!) Anyway, this idea irked me for a long time. Originally, I typed nothing but completely random humor fanfiction and I'm starting to miss doing that. So a few days ago, I typed up Sephiroth's School to Supernova as a random story. Among my friends, I've always had a random sense of humor so let's see if my reputation precedes me or not. I don't own Tales of Symphonia or any of the references made.**

* * *

Lloyd stared blankly at the item sack. He mind wondered about the worlds with man thoughts and questions. As of now, he had a few on his mind, and none irked him so much as this question...

"How do we use gels," Lloyd wondered out loud. "I mean, do we apply them to our skin or do we drink them? Hmm...Maybe I should ask everyone else in the group and see what they have to say," Lloyd said and with that, he made up his mind. So, he decided to first go up to the expert on healing, Raine Sage. Upon running into her, he then realized that they were in fact in the Tower of Mana, about to form the pact with Luna and Aska. Now Raine was busy obsessing over the ruins with her enthusiasm that could make the universe implode. Lloyd knew that interrupting her ruin fantasies was giving himself a death penalty, which he of course was smart enough to avoid. But he was so curious and decided to move along to Zelos, he was adept when it came to healing anyway. Upon seeing the red haired chosen, he smirked because Zelos was once more attempting to flirt with Sheena, poorly. This earned him the usual smack and death threat. So anyway, Lloyd cleared his throat to receive attention. Zelos turned to him, his face red from where he was smacked.

"Oh bud, what's up," Zelos cooly asked. Sheena looked at Lloyd curiously.

"Well, I was wondering how to use these gels. Do we apply them to our skin or drink them," Lloyd asked. Zelos smirked.

"Well bud, I don't really use gels unless I'm lubricating my-," Zelos was cut off when Sheena started beating the hell out of him.

"YOU STUPID PERVERTED BASTARD," Sheena screamed out. Lloyd twitched when blood started to pour on the floor. He didn't really understand what Zelos meant, but if Sheena was beating the hell out of him, then Zelos probably meant something perverted in some way. Lloyd wondered what, "Lubricate" meant anyway. He thought it might have to do something with forging weapons hearing it from Dirk. Maybe it had more than one meaning...Lloyd realized he was getting off subject. So seeing as Sheena and Zelos weren't going to help him, he decided to move on and see Regal, who knew how to heal...Even if it sucked compared to Raine and Zelos.

He saw Regal and Genis having a conversation about teaching Raine how to cook when they saw Lloyd run up to them. They both politely stopped their conversation, agreeing that teaching Raine how to cook was suicide, and turned to Lloyd.

"Regal? Do you know how gels work? Do you apply them to the skin or drink them," Lloyd asked. Regal raised an eye.

"You apply them to the skin," Regal said eyeing Lloyd. Genis shook his head.

"No you don't, you drink them," Genis countered. Regal turned to look at Genis.

"How would drinking them heal your wounds? You apply them to cuts, bruises, and burns," Regal said. Genis sighed.

"That's not true, all I do is drink them and my injuries fade away. Besides, if you apply them to the skin, then why would they have flavors," Genis argued. Regal laughed.

"A very good argument. However, applying them to the skin is the most effective way. I would know, I'm a healer," Regal said.

"Is that your argument? Then how do Orange and Pineapple gels work? They don't heal injuries, they only restore mana." With that, Genis in Regal had a very intelligent argument on how to properly use the gels, which irritated Lloyd to no end, because he still did not have a definite answer. The sad thing is, they had used them the whole journey. He didn't know why, but he didn't remember using one before. So Lloyd decided to leave it at that.

* * *

Lloyd and the group were face to face with Kratos in the Tower of Mana, preparing for a fight.

"Lloyd! What does the Magic Lens say about Kratos' power level," Raine demanded rather than asked. Lloyd searched the item pack before finding the said lens. He looked through them and analyzed Kratos. He twitched upon seeing the results.

"IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND!!" Lloyd had broken the lens in his left hand while screaming this out. Nearly everyone twitched.

"Lloyd? Is that why we keep having to buy new lens," Raine asked angrily. Lloyd while giving a nervous laugh in reply.

"Sorry, it's just a bad habit of mine," Lloyd explained sheepishly. Everyone nearly fell off their feet at this sheepish answer. Kratos was the first to adjust his facial expression.

"I suppose this was to be expected," Kratos said cooly. Lloyd sighed.

_Lloyd earned the title: Crazy Lens Killer..._

* * *

Lloyd and the group, minus Sheena, were walking along the pathway to the Iselia Ranch, with Kratos following shortly behind. Lloyd noticed that Kratos was still considerably stronger than him, so he decided to look through the item pack once again. He hoped to find something that would make him stronger. He found quite a few bottles of Flanoir Potion. He remembered seeing Regal and Zelos use them in fights, and they would be much stronger afterwards. But Lloyd also remembered how he wasn't aloud to drink them, along with everyone else in the group that was younger than twenty-one years old. So Lloyd started putting them back, he then took one last reluctant look at Kratos. He made up his mind.

"One sip won't hurt," Lloyd convinced himself. Lloyd took one of the bottles and opened the cork. He took a little sip, burning his tongue with it's contents. He looked at it before shrugging and chugging the whole bottle. Unable to stop himself, Lloyd pulled out another bottle of this potion and chugged it as well. Eventually, Lloyd was drinking all of them. When he finally stopped, his cheeks were red and his eyes were dazed. He giggled like a small child before hiccuping twice. He laughed as a bird flew by. He ran to catch up with the group, leaving the empty bottles scattered on the ground behind him. He caught up to his friends, in an awkward position. He was on his side rolling on the ground. Everyone raised an eye at his behavior. Lloyd then saw their expressions and glared at them angrily, before jumping to his feet. "Why do you all keep looking at me like that," Lloyd asked before hiccuping. "I'm not some idiot!" Then Lloyd grinned stupidly.

"Are you okay Lloyd," Genis asked slowly. Lloyd gave a delirious laugh.

"I'm waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy okay man," Lloyd replied slurring up his words. "I mean, there was this dude that I wanted to beat, then I was like, whoa! This dude's really strong," Lloyd explained. Everyone raised an eye. "Anyway...Let's go and like, beat the hell out of Fork Pony." Zelos muffled his laughter at Lloyd's comment.

"It appears that Lloyd is intoxicated. Perhaps he drank some potion," Kratos stated. Everyone stared at Lloyd who went into a hiccuping frenzy.

"In-(hic)-Intoxicated? Dude, what's up with the big words," Lloyd asked. Kratos opened his mouth to answer, but was rudely cut off. "Dude, like, just chill man. Maybe that stick in your ass is starting to bother you. With some effort, it'll come out, and then you'll be cool man," Lloyd interrupted. Kratos twitched.

"It seems Lloyd has a personality shift when he's...drunk," Raine commented. Lloyd then turned to look at her.

"Lady, you know what? You're freaking scary dude. Just chill out," Lloyd replied. Raine then took her turn to twitch. Lloyd then held his stomach. "Whoa man, I don't feel so good dudes,"Lloyd said. Before anyone else could reply, he threw up and promptly passed out. Everyone stared at him for a few minutes before sighing.

"It seems we need to work on our efforts to keep Lloyd away from potions," Regal said. Everyone nodded in agreement before heading off for Dirk's house.

_Lloyd earned the title: Alcoholic..._

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**That's the end! I know it was pretty stupid and random, but I thought it was pretty funny. Anyway, if you enjoyed, please, review me. And if you like Final Fantasy VII, then read Sephiroth's School to Supernova, it's just as random as this one. If you didn't like, I'm sorry for wasting five minutes of your precious time and I'm sorry that there's no refund, tough luck. Thanks for reading!**


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